What my biggest kink is ...

My kink is to be a succubus

I have to be honest with everyone here and most of all with the little pigs who like to read my stories. I know I’m a bit weird or special or… “unique” as my kink and what excites me in all this is pretty unusual but as many people keep asking me I thought I should spend some time and explain a bit more to my readers.

So yes, my kink is to be a succubus. A what?

A shadow, a creature living in men’s dreams, torturing them, owning them and feeding with their fantasies. That’s what a succubus is.

A succubus is a demon in female form (medieval myth) that appears in dreams and takes the form of a woman in order to seduce men, usually through sexual activity. It was say by many religious people back then (maybe still now who knows) that repeated sexual activity with a succubus may result in the deterioration of health or mental state, or even death. In modern representations, a succubus may or may not appear in dreams and is often depicted as a highly attractive seductress or enchantress whereas, in the past, they were depicted as frightening and demoniac. That’s what our dear wikipedia says about succubus. For me it is a bit more complex than that.

It all started with a legend long ago. The tale of Lilith who was Adam’s first wife and later became the first succubus. This was before that dumb guy met Eve and before the episode with the apple. Why did they split? I don’t know but I think Lilith was simply way too good for him and that idiot kept trying to believe he was in charge because God made him first or some bullshit like that. The case is Lilith had enough and left him and refused to return to the Garden of Eden after she mated with Archangel Samuel. But the story is even more interesting when you read the old texts and get some interest in the matter.

We all know God created Adam from the dust and later, as he was lonely and miserable, God decided to make a better version and used one of Adam’s ribs to create Eve so “she will be an obedient companion” for him. We all know how that ended of course with the story of the apple. But in fact this is all half of the story. The half where men have the power over us women because when you look at the whole story you find out things are a bit different. God fashions man AND woman SIMULTANEOUSLY. Indeed, the text says: “So God created mankind in the divine image, male and female God created them.” That female was Lilith.

And of course, they started fighting because Adam wanted to top her all the time believing him superior to her. Adam always wanted to be on top of her while Lilith also wanted a turn in the dominant sexual position. As as it usually happens with men, stubborn as you can be, Adam ended up ruining everything and Lilith decided to leave him. She uttered God’s name and flew into the air, leaving Adam alone in the Garden of Eden. And then, when God sent 3 angels to bring her back to her husband by force if she would no come willingly, everything started going wrong. Of course, the 3 angels reached Lilith but they never manage to bring her back. Why should she go back anyway?

Some legends actually say Lilith, after becoming the devil’s wife, decided to take her revenge for all the boring and bad sex she had with Adam while being with him in the Garden of Eden and in order to do so, she started haunting his dreams and having sex with him there so he will waste all his energy and seed alone instead of making babies with Eve. Lilith was for sure a way better lover and once inside Adam’s dreams she was able to manipulate him and dominate him with her charms and … he actually love it more than everything. Little by little, dream after dream, Adam started to lose his mind, obsessed by his dreams with the woman he couldn’t have.

Maybe now you understand a bit better what I mean when I say my kink is to be a succubus.

Lilith was the first succubus. She was the one driving mad the first guy and then she had many daughters with the devil, all like her, beautiful and dangerous. All were and are that perfect and almighty woman men dream to be with but …. they can’t. All you can do is to dream about us, do all for us hopping to make us happy so we don’t crush you like a miserable little worm. We are the fantasy in your dreams while you sleep near your wife. We are the fabulous creature you will do anything for.

That’s what I like. That’s what can turn me on. Owning you; having you just right there, in the palm of my hand kneeling and begging me to keep you alive because having me in your life is the sweetest and most delicious torture you could ever dream of.

Those of you who already read my book HER knows how I became a Mistress and a FinDomme. It was a bit by accident as I was using men since I was a little girl. For me it was simply normal to treat guys as toys and their sole purpose has always been to please me. But then I started using them as a Mistress and even if, at the beginning it was fun, it was not something I could say was “turning me on”. At all. It was fun, certainly, it was comfortable, for sure, but it was not alluring until the day I had my first “invisible” sub.

Suddenly it was all different. I started feeling an absolute power because someone out there, someone I had never seen in my life was suddenly mine and ready to do whatever I wanted. It started as something soft but it grow quickly as I’m someone extreme until the day I find myself being one of those succubus I told you about.

It was all virtual. We were living in a different country and only speaking using a chat. That man never heard my voice or even saw a picture of me. I was only words and that was way more powerful than anything else. At the beginning it was of course a game for me and I never really believe that man will be doing what I was asking him to do for real. I was thinking he was pretending just to “play with me” like a little fantasy. How could it be otherwise anyway? But later I find out he was really doing everything, even all the crazy things I was ordering him to do. I discover it when he sent me a long message like crying because his wife kicked him out of the house and he was really miserable but still so in love with me. That old guy ruined his life doing all the things a young brat he had never met told him to do and worst, he was genuinely in love with that brat. It is hard to explain with words, but while I was reading that letter, it turned me on for the first time. It was not a silly game anymore, it was real and I could feel it inside of me. That night, I felt really happy. I felt truly alive.

From that day on, I started loosing my interest in meetings. I never planned that, I assure you but something happened in me. It was like I had finally discovered my G spot.

Back then I was still meeting a few people. It was a kind of SugarDaddy kinky relationship. I never did any kind of BDSM sessions, I never whipped guys or anything like that. I’m somehow a vanilla girl I guess. All that impact play etc tend to bored me. It’s fun to watch but when I do it (I try sometimes in kinky events here in London) it was fun for just 5 minutes but what I liked was not what was really happening but the fact that guys was happy with me using him. Instead, I always enjoyed the humiliation part of the power dynamics. I guess it’s because the submissive is happy to be my toy, my little worm. I’m his everything and that gives me a smile.

Those who read my book again remember how I felt when I went to a cashpoint meeting and worst when I agree to use a guy as home slave to clean my place. It was a disaster and thanks to that I started feeling the need to mov to a different flat. I felt his miserable presence there constantly days after I kicked him out after a brief session. It felt like a kind of invasion of my intimacy. But then, that’s also what I started feeling each time I was meeting a submissive guy, even those totally in love with me. Taking their money or using them was really not enough. It was actually disappointing because they were real and for that reason, they were doing everything in a sexual way. What made them hard was my pussy (ok, the fantasy of my pussy).

Some time after that lovely grandpa (as I used to call him) and his so funny letter, I started playing with a guy in Germany. Same, we never met, we never spoke on the phone or anything. During months I used him and drove him totally crazy. So many times he was unable to sleep tormented as he was, totally in need and in love. My control was absolute and I used to own his life thanks to a delicious blackmail I invented just for him and then… I decided to travel to Berlin and meet him. As I was afraid, everything started to change after that. He was even more in love of course but it was different. Before he was in love with my brain and my absolute power. After our meeting, he was in love with my body and, somehow he wanted me as a woman. On my side, it changed everything too. Suddenly he became real so it was not fun anymore because suddenly… hmmm….. how do I put this …. I became aware of the consequences of my actions and I start seeing the real repercussions of my erotic tyranny.

Yes, I’m a kind person. Benevolent even as I like to help my toys too. I care about those I really play with and I like to see them improve their lives but, to do so, I use extreme methods as it amuse me to torture them because they are “in my imagination” somehow. I haunt their dreams and dreams are not real but when that dream becomes real for me… it all starts going wrong. Really wrong so I loose interest, I hurt them and then I had to leave. Meeting that guy in Berlin was the beginning of the end and it ended actually pretty quickly. Him… well, it took him several months to finally accept things will never go back to how it used to be between us until the day I manage to explain him what I just wrote that things suddenly became real and I was struggling to use him as I used to because now he was a real person in my mind instead of a toy.

Mistress in Paris

Recently… well, I can say I was proud of myself for not falling again into the same trap when for work I had to go to Paris briefly. I told my (current) toy I will be there close to the Champs Elysées and that I was willing to see him. And then, while in the Eurostar I kept thinking about my German guy and that meeting in Berlin. Gladly I didn’t meet him but I still gave him a chance. A change to find me and make him run like a madman trying to find the place where I was. Of course, he didn’t and he felt really miserable. I think he still cries when something remind him that day hahahaha

But the truth is he was lucky that day because thanks to that, I understood what I had to do with him and everyone else. I had to be myself and stop thinking about my toy’s feelings or wishes. I had to become fore real that almighty deity he loves and the only way to do so was to embrace my kink and become for real the shadow I dream to be. That almighty demon feeding on men desires and fantasies. The permanent and delicious obsession who owns men lives and desires because for me, they must be ready to do everything evening giving me their lives if I ask so (I won’t because otherwise it wont be fun anymore).

Gosh how much I love to see a man struggling and working really hard just to see me writing him those 2 little words who makes him so proud and dig his emotional grave a little bit deeper: “Good Boy”.

And if he ends up going to as a loan to his back to be able to pay the debt he have with me, I will be happy and probably wet my panties. And if he have to cancel the holidays he was planning with his family because he can’t pay anymore due to what he is paying me, I will probably feel exactly the same arousal. Yes, I’m surely insane but … aren’t all demons insane? HaHaHaHa